I don’t know when the self-esteem issues kicked in. Sometimes I wonder if we’re born with them. Though I really doubt that’s true, I do believe words spoken over a newborn spirit or a young child can impact that person’s life forever. I don’t remember any specific incidents where I was made to feel inadequate, but instead of feeling like the proverbial princess or overprotected only little girl in a house of three boys, I somehow developed the opposite persona–that of being ‘not quite good enough.’

Add to this the normal childhood woes of not measuring up to my peers (too short, too fat, not as pretty or smart, etc.) and the words ‘self-esteem’ and ‘self-value’ had no meaning in my life.

Then along came the teenage years when I grew from an insecure girl to a young woman with the dream of marriage and children. Factor into that dream low-to-no self-confidence much less self-worth, and the combination does not bode well for attracting a husband.

Attract one I did. Though I wouldn’t call him my Prince Charming.

Nine years and two babies later I found myself divorced and any trace of self-esteem in the dung heap.

At that time, I developed a motto: What you see is what you get. You like it? Good! You don’t hit the road, it’s your loss!

I must say this was out of self-preservation, not self-love. But it was a start.

Two years later friendship turned to love with the man who would become my next husband, this man and marriage almost the complete opposite from my first. Loving, kind, and lavish with praise and compliments, I felt beautiful in his eyes and my self-confidence grew. With his support and encouragement, I excelled at work, wrote romance novels, started a writers group in my area, did speaking engagements and book signings and virtually put myself out there in ways I would never have even dreamed possible before.

Alas, regardless of what one might think, self-confidence and self-esteem do not equal self-value, self-worth or self-love.

I was still very self-conscious about many things, especially my looks.  Constantly on a diet or exercise routine, I wore clothes to camouflage my round hips and curvaceous thighs and tried numerous hair styles and beauty products to add volume and shine to my less than perfect hair.  Actions meant to shore up my confidence did indeed help, but that nagging sense of ‘not quite good enough’ lingered deep in my heart, soul and subconscious. And although I felt better, I hadn’t reached the part of truly loving, appreciating and valuing myself.

Then one summer evening my support system was gone. Removed from my life forever in the span of a heartbeat and I was thrust into the world as a single woman. Widowed and alone when, despite everything I’d accomplished, all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother.

They say out of our biggest tragedies come some of our greatest blessings but the prospect of getting out there and dating terrified me and the moment I stepped out into the single scene all of the old insecurities returned.

My legs are too short, hips too big and breasts too small. My hair’s too thin and flat and now it’s turning gray. I can’t compete with the young, perky, firm, beautiful women out there!

The bible teaches us that as a man thinks therefore he is (Prov. 23:7), so I dug out my old motto and started using it..... What you see is what you get. Like it? Good! Don’t? Hit the road, it’s your loss.

Only this time I took things a step further.

As a Christian I’d studied and practiced speaking God’s word over my life and knew the power of writing things down, so I started focusing on and appreciating what I liked about myself and what I was good at. I am smart. I am talented. I am gifted. I am blessed.

Then I began writing and saying affirmations about what I wanted to believe about myself. I am thin, healthy, energetic, and attractive. I look good. I feel good.

As time moved on I got bolder... I am beautiful. I am desirable. I am sexy. I am healed, whole, and complete. I am worthy. I am valuable.

Comments from friends and acquaintances about how good I looked every time they saw me helped me to believe the inner growth I’d been cultivating was actually working and worth the effort to continue.
​
Then one day I woke up and I felt these things. I felt healthy, energetic and attractive. 
​

I had an image in my mind of a particular red dress that clung in all the right places (something I never would have even considered before!). So, I went shopping. I found that dress, tried it on and the mirror reflected back to me everything I’d been affirming for years... A beautiful, sexy, desirable woman.
 
But....
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Some of those same old thought patterns crept up and I put the dress back.

The next day my friend and I returned to the store, and I tried it on for her opinion and again was astounded at how I not only felt but looked in that dress.
​
This time I bought it.

That was ten+ years ago. I still practice positive thinking, affirmations, and self-talk and have since purchased several clingy dresses and outfits and I am constantly amazed at how differently I look at and feel about myself.  I’ve also come to understand that how the world sees me is a reflection of how I see and feel about myself. 

When those old taunts try to rise up and steal my joy, I immediately shake my head and remind myself that as I think, therefore I am.

Then I go into a litany of affirmations knowing that as I project feelings of love, appreciation, value and self-approval, others will reflect that back to me. After all, what you see (and say) is what you get!

Something to think about.
Inspirational with an Edge! ™
Coaching in PJs ™

While listening, well watching actually, a video on YouTube with Jack Canfield, he made a comment that resonated with me – he said he loved the word discovering because it meant “uncovering.”  Think about it dis (un) – cover

Isn’t that what we do when we discover or realize a spiritual truth? When we have one of those “Ah ha” moments or an epiphany?

In my devotional, Love is a Rose, I reveal how God spoke to me or brought to my mind, scriptures that supplanted or explained each verse of the song.

Even in books like The Secret that seemingly deal with “new age woo-woo stuff,” we can find spiritual truth.

How do I know this?

Because I discover these truths every day of my life in some of the most extraordinary ways!

Look back at some of my posts and you’ll see I’ve discovered a spiritual truth or evidence in rocks, horseshoes, potatoes…. More recently, check out the review I did on the movie, Frozen​, and you’ll see I’ve even discovered spiritual truths in a Disney film.

A song, a book, a billboard sign, a gut feeling or a comment by a friend or virtual stranger …these are all ways in which God reveals His truth to us. Even a comment we make to someone sometimes resonates with us on a deeper level or answers a question we’ve been asking ourselves for ages!

Of course, the bible is the best and most popular source of spiritual truth, but if God is spirit (as Jesus said He is), and is omnipresent (which means He is in every thing and is everywhere) isn’t it safe to say He can communicate to us in a myriad of ways?

I think so, we just need to be open and receptive and not discount what we intuitively know is God communicating to and through us.
 
Something to think about….
“Inspirational with an Edge!” ™
"Coaching in PJs" ™

*©2014 Previously published in Pamela's Ponderings 

Love is a Rose is available for Kindle, in Print and Audio through Amazon/Audible. The eBook is available for KoBo and other online retailers HERE.

As I’ve mentioned before I’ve been on a spiritual quest for most of my adult life. In 1989 I recommitted my life to Christ and since that moment have been asking, knocking and seeking, in all manner of ways, to know and experience more of Him.

Some may ask what He means to me and the long & short answer is: EVERYTHING.

How can I describe that which is indescribable?

Now many will look at some of the books and spiritual leaders I refer to and say that I’m not “Christ centered” or that I don’t have the “love of Christ” within me.

That both saddens and infuriates me.

Jesus said, “Judge not lest ye be judged.” So I challenge anyone to really look into my heart and tell me that!

True, I do read books other than the Bible and those written by ordained ministers.

Why?

Because I never want to miss a fresh anointing on the Word!

Yeah, but what about those ‘new age’ books like Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life & There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem by Dr. Wayne Dyer, A Return to Love & The Law of Divine Compensation by Marianne Williamson, The Secret & The Magic by Rhonda Byrne and other such works by people I admire?

I can only speak for myself but it is all part of my soul journey.

What? What?

A soul journey?

Yeah.

I believe we are all here for a reason and one of main purposes is to not only learn how to live as Christ but, like Him, to be an expression of God’s goodness in the earth. Each of those books mentioned, and numerous not mentioned, have opened my heart and mind to understanding God and even scripture in a deeper way.

In the book E-squared by Pam Grout, she covered the subject of God/Jesus and mentioned that Jesus never said, “worship me” but “follow me” and there’s a huge difference in the two statements.

This made me wonder so I did a bible search on the phrase “worship me” and you know what?

She was right!

Only 4 Scriptures showed up with that phrase, 2 referred to Jesus being tempted during His 40 days in the desert (Matthew 4:9 & Luke 4:7) and the other two referred to worshipping Him in vain by “teaching for doctrine the commandments of men.” (Matthew 15:9 & Mark 7:7).

These, in turn, led to the question of how much of what our preachers, teachers and ministers of “Christianity” tell us are actually just that… the teaching for doctrine the commandments of men.

Which do you think God/Jesus prefers…someone who adheres to the doctrines of men (even if they are biblically based) OR someone who loves Him and seeks Him with their whole heart, mind, & soul, regardless of the books they read?

After all, Jesus did say that God is “spirit” and those who worship Him will worship in spirit and in truth, and let’s face it, not everything we see and/or hear in conjunction with “Christianity” is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth…Nor the only truth.

JMHO of course.

Something to think about….
​
“Inspirational with an Edge!” ™

*Originally published as Pamela's Ponderings ©Feb 2014

The question has been posed, integrity examined …. “Do you REALLY believe all this positivity stuff? Do you REALLY believe it can change a life?”

In John, Jesus said “This is the work of God, that you believe…” Now I know the Scripture goes on to say that we believe “on him whom He hath sent” meaning we are to believe in HIM. But think about it….

He also said, “Whatever you say when you pray, believe you have received, and it shall be given unto you.”

God told us in Deuteronomy that the power of life and death are in our tongue. So to answer the question, Yes, I believe….

I believe Jesus is my Lord and Savior but He is also my brother, friend and teacher. I believe God is the Almighty creator of the universe as well as my loving father who wants to bless me with the wildest dreams in my heart.

I believe God is much bigger than the boxes we put Him in, especially those outlined in the Bible. I believe the Bible is the inspired word of God but it has been written by man, filtered through human consciousness and subject to the circumstances and culture of the time. I believe there are depths and levels of faith and spirituality we may never understand but I also believe it pleases God when we try, ask questions, seek after answers, and knock on doors of knowledge.

I believe, next to love, gratitude is the greatest asset we can ever aspire to have. I believe fear is our biggest obstacle and judgment and guilt are useless wastes of energy. I believe we can rise above our circumstances and “call those things that be not as though they are” (actually the word here is were…. past tense as in been there, done that…so why is it those things we desire are not showing up in our life?)

I believe you can not have a positive life with a negative attitude. I believe, with the help of God, you can create a better life for yourself than anyone in your family has ever experienced. I believe selfishness is the root of all evil and that money is simply a means through which God blesses you so that you may be a blessing to others and thereby build His kingdom.

I believe love is the most powerful emotion and we are at our highest level of spirituality and closest to God when we give it freely, without expectation of reward.
I believe some people love their misery. They are comfortable in it and although they say differently, they really don’t want to change, but want others to change for them. This is the highest level of selfishness.

I believe you can’t change the past but you can change the future by your thoughts, words, emotions and actions of today.

I believe the past is over, the future isn’t here yet and today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the ‘present’ and we would do well to live fully in the moment. I believe our past may be a contributing factor in our lives today but with love, gratitude, and forgiveness, we can rise above the pain of that time and life a blessed and happy life.

I believe heaven is nearer than we think and our loved ones who’ve crossed over as near as our next thought and if we listen close enough, they will continue to speak to us and  if we let go of our preconceived notions of heaven being “out there somewhere”, we will experience it here on earth.

I believe life is 100% perception…how you perceive things is how they’ll be for you.

I believe with God all things are possible and nothing is impossible to them that believe…. Believe in God, believe in yourself, believe in your dreams, believe in your goodness, believe in your beauty, believe in the power of love, peace, joy, happiness, bliss.  Believe God is on your side and wants to bless you and quit speaking the opposite!

I believe we “eat the fruit” of our words. Speak negative (poverty, lack, sickness, disease) and you’ll attract those things into your circumstances. Speak positive and you’ll create a better life for yourself and those around you. I believe we give too much of our power to others by allowing them to control our thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I believe forgiveness unlocks the door to happiness and opens channels of blessing because when we forgive we become more like Jesus.

I believe when you heal your own life, you do your part in healing others.

I believe there is no time in eternity, so the reason creating a new life takes ‘time’ is because we let doubt and fear block our good and I believe we talk ourselves out of miracles every day.

Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I never have a bad day despite all I believe. But I will tell you this much, as I continue to walk by faith (not by sight) and speak words of life and love, gratitude and peace, those bad days or incidents are less traumatic and easier to get through than they were before I understood the power of my own thoughts and words.
​
Something to think about….
“Inspirational with an Edge!” ™
"Coaching in PJs" ​™

Dealing with multiple family issues in varying depths of negative physical & emotional drama, I keep hearing the message…. “When you starve your spirit, the body compensates.”

Or in most instances, over compensates.

Illness, weight issues, depression, addictions; many times these are all physical and emotional symptoms of a starving spirit.

The Bible teaches us that “a merry heart does good like medicine” (Prov. 17:22).

Proverbs 15:13 tells us, “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”

Bible believing Christian or not, there are medical studies that substantiate this idea. But forget medical proof for a moment and think about the people in your life who are ill.

What does their countenance (face, attitude, actions) reveal to you?

Are they upbeat and positive or “down in the mouth”?

Are they the picture of health (acceptable weight, tolerable or manageable level of physical ailments, sensible/rational attitudes, realistic/practical actions) or just the opposite?

Now I’m not going to try and convince you that every person who has been a victim of physical or mental abuse or who has contracted an illness of some sort is merely suffering because they neglect nurturing their spiritual life. I know many devout spiritual beings who suffer diseases.

Nor am I making light of either.

I merely want to point out that feeding and nurturing your spirit is one way to get your physical and emotional well-being on the mend. When the spirit is healthy, many times the body follows.

So how do we get from starving to nurturing our spirit?

Often a simple shift in perception from “woes me” to gratitude can start you on your way to spiritual health. Forgiveness also plays a huge part in this.

“I’ve forgiven but I can’t forget” is a cop out.

I know that sounds harsh but Scripture tells us to speak the truth in love and sometimes love has to be gentle but firm and sometimes the truth hurts; hence the term ‘tough love’.

The Bible tells us that God remembers not our sins, yet we tend to wallow in those perpetrated against us and/or cling to guilt and self-condemnation for those we committed against others.

If God, who is holy and just forgets our sins, who are we, to hold onto those memories and rehash our pain and anger, or disappointment and self pity?

Here’s the rub: As long as you feel and act the victim, you can not live a victorious life!

To put it another way: You can’t have a positive, healthy life (spiritual or otherwise) if you have a negative outlook.

Oh and if you think you are “only being realistic,” think again.

You are hurting no one but YOURSELF when you drag the past into the present and project it into your future.

“But it hurts so much…the pain is so deep….”

Then STOP focusing on it! Focus on today and the good present in your life right now.

Now that I’ve given you something to ponder, here are some ideas and resources….

• Prayer, fasting, and meditation are all proven methods to regain and optimize health and are as important to your overall well-being as diet and exercise.

• Read your Bible! Highlight Scriptures on health and wellness, depression and forgiveness, etc. Or better yet, pick up a copy of God’s Promises, The Tongue a Creative Force by Charles Capps or You’ll Get Through This by Max Lucado.

• Start and maintain an attitude of gratitude.  The Magic by Rhonda Byrne breaks this concept down to expressing gratitude for the simplest things! She also offers a “gratitude journal.” Success coach and author, Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul books) also has a gratitude journal as do numerous authors!

• Read some of the books listed in my post What You Don’t Control, Controls YOU!

• Read and do the exercises in Marianne Williamson’s A Course in Weight Loss. This wonderful resource gets to the heart of the matter with practical yet very personal ways to connect with and nurture your spirit.
• Implement energy work such as EFT/Tapping
• Work with a Life Coach or Therapist

​These are just a few examples but I promise, as you get started feeding your spirit, you’ll see and feel a difference in your overall condition and discover more ways to enforce the new, happier, healthier you.

Something to think about...
*Image by Gizelle from Pixabay*

*Originally published as Pamela's Ponderings ©Oct. 2013