Rainbows, Potholes & Nuggets of Gold
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Rainbows, Potholes & Nuggets of Gold
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I don’t know when the self-esteem issues kicked in. Sometimes I wonder if we’re born with them. Though I really doubt that’s true, I do believe words spoken over a newborn spirit or a young child can impact that person’s life forever. I don’t remember any specific incidents where I was made to feel inadequate, but instead of feeling like the proverbial princess or overprotected only little girl in a house of three boys, I somehow developed the opposite persona–that of being ‘not quite good enough.’ Add to this the normal childhood woes of not measuring up to my peers (too short, too fat, not as pretty or smart, etc.) and the words ‘self-esteem’ and ‘self-value’ had no meaning in my life. Then along came the teenage years when I grew from an insecure girl to a young woman with the dream of marriage and children. Factor into that dream low-to-no self-confidence much less self-worth, and the combination does not bode well for attracting a husband. Attract one I did. Though I wouldn’t call him my Prince Charming. Nine years and two babies later I found myself divorced and any trace of self-esteem in the dung heap. At that time, I developed a motto: What you see is what you get. You like it? Good! You don’t hit the road, it’s your loss! I must say this was out of self-preservation, not self-love. But it was a start. Two years later friendship turned to love with the man who would become my next husband, this man and marriage almost the complete opposite from my first. Loving, kind, and lavish with praise and compliments, I felt beautiful in his eyes and my self-confidence grew. With his support and encouragement, I excelled at work, wrote romance novels, started a writers group in my area, did speaking engagements and book signings and virtually put myself out there in ways I would never have even dreamed possible before. Alas, regardless of what one might think, self-confidence and self-esteem do not equal self-value, self-worth or self-love. I was still very self-conscious about many things, especially my looks. Constantly on a diet or exercise routine, I wore clothes to camouflage my round hips and curvaceous thighs and tried numerous hair styles and beauty products to add volume and shine to my less than perfect hair. Actions meant to shore up my confidence did indeed help, but that nagging sense of ‘not quite good enough’ lingered deep in my heart, soul and subconscious. And although I felt better, I hadn’t reached the part of truly loving, appreciating and valuing myself. Then one summer evening my support system was gone. Removed from my life forever in the span of a heartbeat and I was thrust into the world as a single woman. Widowed and alone when, despite everything I’d accomplished, all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. They say out of our biggest tragedies come some of our greatest blessings but the prospect of getting out there and dating terrified me and the moment I stepped out into the single scene all of the old insecurities returned. My legs are too short, hips too big and breasts too small. My hair’s too thin and flat and now it’s turning gray. I can’t compete with the young, perky, firm, beautiful women out there! The bible teaches us that as a man thinks therefore he is (Prov. 23:7), so I dug out my old motto and started using it..... What you see is what you get. Like it? Good! Don’t? Hit the road, it’s your loss. Only this time I took things a step further. As a Christian I’d studied and practiced speaking God’s word over my life and knew the power of writing things down, so I started focusing on and appreciating what I liked about myself and what I was good at. I am smart. I am talented. I am gifted. I am blessed. Then I began writing and saying affirmations about what I wanted to believe about myself. I am thin, healthy, energetic, and attractive. I look good. I feel good. As time moved on I got bolder... I am beautiful. I am desirable. I am sexy. I am healed, whole, and complete. I am worthy. I am valuable. Comments from friends and acquaintances about how good I looked every time they saw me helped me to believe the inner growth I’d been cultivating was actually working and worth the effort to continue. Then one day I woke up and I felt these things. I felt healthy, energetic and attractive. ![]() I had an image in my mind of a particular red dress that clung in all the right places (something I never would have even considered before!). So, I went shopping. I found that dress, tried it on and the mirror reflected back to me everything I’d been affirming for years... A beautiful, sexy, desirable woman. But.... Some of those same old thought patterns crept up and I put the dress back. The next day my friend and I returned to the store, and I tried it on for her opinion and again was astounded at how I not only felt but looked in that dress. This time I bought it. ![]() That was ten+ years ago. I still practice positive thinking, affirmations, and self-talk and have since purchased several clingy dresses and outfits and I am constantly amazed at how differently I look at and feel about myself. I’ve also come to understand that how the world sees me is a reflection of how I see and feel about myself. When those old taunts try to rise up and steal my joy, I immediately shake my head and remind myself that as I think, therefore I am. Then I go into a litany of affirmations knowing that as I project feelings of love, appreciation, value and self-approval, others will reflect that back to me. After all, what you see (and say) is what you get! Something to think about. Inspirational with an Edge! ™ Coaching in PJs ™ *©2015 Previously published as Pamela's Ponderings April 2015
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Happy Thanksgiving Folks!
Jesus teaches us that with God ALL things are possible and that all things are possible to them that believe (See Matthew 19:25-27, Mark 9:22-24, Mark 10:26-28). Psalm 23 says, “The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.” Why then do some things we desire, need or want seem impossible? Is it possible this is because we block God’s blessings and talk ourselves out of miracles every day? Is it possible we have deep-seated doubts and fears and feelings of unworthiness? Is it possible the fire and brimstone preaching we’ve heard or experienced sometime in our life has caused us to fear God’s wrath more than believe in His love, grace, mercy and goodness? Is it possible that we have so much guilt around asking God for what we truly desire that, even if He were to show up with that in hand as a free gift to us, we’d turn away? Is it possible we’ve heard so many contradicting facts about who God is and what He can/will do that we just don’t know what to think anymore? The Bible teaches us that the blessings of God shall chase us down and overtake us (see Deuteronomy 28:1-3), yet so many live in lack and poverty, sickness and disease! Is it truly possible that if God said it and Jesus did it, we are supposed to live lives of abundance in every area? I believe ALL of these explanations are possible and very possibly the root of our not receiving the gifts and blessings God has for us. So how can we overcome these doubts, fears and negative concepts we’ve developed in our lives for whatever reason and open up to receive from God? Here are a few ideas… Pray. Don’t just pray for what you want, pray for God to open your eyes, ears, heart and hands so that you may see, hear, know and receive. Listen. Often we pray/talk to God without taking time to listen for His response. Prayer should be a two-way conversation, not you talking to then walking away from Him. Obey. Many times, we pray and listen but when God asks us to take action we disregard that part of the entire time of communion. The Bible teaches us we should be willing and obedient yet most of the time we are willing but not obedient or vice-versa. If you feel in your heart God is asking you to take some kind of action in order for Him to fulfill your desires and His plan, take it! Even if that means stepping out in faith despite your doubts and fears. Meditate. A lot of folks shrink at the thought of spending time in meditation thinking they just don’t have hours to spare, but meditation can be as simple as closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths while opening your mind and heart to the Holy Spirit. Better yet, pick a Scripture that deals with one of the current situations or needs in your life and repeat it over and over in your mind while taking those deep breaths and watch God work. Express Gratitude. I know, I know you are grateful but how often do you say it? How often do you say a simple “Thank You” to God or to people? Better yet, how often do you spend 10 minutes, an hour, or a whole day in an attitude of gratitude? Try this: For one hour write, “I am so happy and grateful that (or for) ---fill in the blank). If you don’t have an hour, write 1 page a day or 10 items or whatever, just do it! Once you’ve gotten into this habit, challenge yourself to keep gratitude uppermost in your mind for the day and see what doors open for you. After all, God’s not going to give you something else to complain about. Sing. Yeah you heard that right. Sing a song about being happy. Find a couple songs and play them over and over in your vehicle and in your mind. Here are two that come to mind: Happiest Girl in the Whole USA by Donna Fargo, or Happy by Pharrell Williams (here’s the song/video on Youtube!) I dare you to listen to this and not be in a better mood! Better yet, make up a silly little ditty to express your own happiness, gratitude and praise to God. After all, the Bible tells us to make a “joyful noise” unto the Lord (Psalms 66, 81, 95, 98 & 100) and that God inhabits the praise of His people. Try one (or all) of these simple exercises and see God work in your life. Now I’m not saying this is the cure-all for every problem in your life, but even if all these exercises do is make YOU feel better for an hour or a day…what can it hurt? Something to think about... “Inspirational with an Edge!” ™ "Coaching in PJs" ™
*©2014 Previously published as Pamela's Ponderings April 2014
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Hebrews 11:11 tells us that “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
So many times we wonder what that means and to be honest, depending on how you look at it, and where you put a comma, it could mean different things. For me, this verse alludes to so much more than the typical platitudes given in explanation from many. As you may know, I’ve been on a spiritual journey most of my adult life and read voraciously books written by today’s spiritual leaders and this particular verse magnifies what many of them say regarding spiritual principles, living in the present moment, and the law of attraction. Now some ridicule and judge me for doing so, stating that the ONLY books we should read are the Bible and those written by Pastors and Ministers. Seriously? Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE God’s word and do my best to glean meaning and depth from every book I read, especially the Bible. In fact, I have several translations I value. But, think about it! Even Bible-toting, Scripture-quoting Christians spend more time looking back on the past with shame, guilt or regret and/or worrying about the future with fear and trembling. But this is not what spiritual leaders nor God teach us. We are taught that yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn’t here, so we should appreciate the gift of today. The Bible says we should “forget those things which are behind and reach forward to those things which are ahead” (Philippians 3:12). Spiritual leaders teach us to live in the present (now) and to visualize (see) the future as we would like (hope) to create it. The Law of Attraction states that what you focus on, you attract into your life. Read the Scripture again….Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. How much more convincing do we need to consider the Law of Attraction might actually be another term for Faith in Action? I’m not here to convince you that my way is the only way or that I’m right and you’re wrong in your way of thinking. I only hope these words will encourage you to open your mind and heart to what deeper meanings lie in the Scriptures we love so much. Something to think about…. “Inspirational with an Edge!” ™ ![]()
The question has been posed, integrity examined …. “Do you REALLY believe all this positivity stuff? Do you REALLY believe it can change a life?”
In John, Jesus said “This is the work of God, that you believe…” Now I know the Scripture goes on to say that we believe “on him whom He hath sent” meaning we are to believe in HIM. But think about it…. He also said, “Whatever you say when you pray, believe you have received, and it shall be given unto you.” God told us in Deuteronomy that the power of life and death are in our tongue. So to answer the question, Yes, I believe…. I believe Jesus is my Lord and Savior but He is also my brother, friend and teacher. I believe God is the Almighty creator of the universe as well as my loving father who wants to bless me with the wildest dreams in my heart. I believe God is much bigger than the boxes we put Him in, especially those outlined in the Bible. I believe the Bible is the inspired word of God but it has been written by man, filtered through human consciousness and subject to the circumstances and culture of the time. I believe there are depths and levels of faith and spirituality we may never understand but I also believe it pleases God when we try, ask questions, seek after answers, and knock on doors of knowledge. I believe, next to love, gratitude is the greatest asset we can ever aspire to have. I believe fear is our biggest obstacle and judgment and guilt are useless wastes of energy. I believe we can rise above our circumstances and “call those things that be not as though they are” (actually the word here is were…. past tense as in been there, done that…so why is it those things we desire are not showing up in our life?) I believe you can not have a positive life with a negative attitude. I believe, with the help of God, you can create a better life for yourself than anyone in your family has ever experienced. I believe selfishness is the root of all evil and that money is simply a means through which God blesses you so that you may be a blessing to others and thereby build His kingdom. I believe love is the most powerful emotion and we are at our highest level of spirituality and closest to God when we give it freely, without expectation of reward. I believe some people love their misery. They are comfortable in it and although they say differently, they really don’t want to change, but want others to change for them. This is the highest level of selfishness. I believe you can’t change the past but you can change the future by your thoughts, words, emotions and actions of today. I believe the past is over, the future isn’t here yet and today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the ‘present’ and we would do well to live fully in the moment. I believe our past may be a contributing factor in our lives today but with love, gratitude, and forgiveness, we can rise above the pain of that time and life a blessed and happy life. I believe heaven is nearer than we think and our loved ones who’ve crossed over as near as our next thought and if we listen close enough, they will continue to speak to us and if we let go of our preconceived notions of heaven being “out there somewhere”, we will experience it here on earth. I believe life is 100% perception…how you perceive things is how they’ll be for you. I believe with God all things are possible and nothing is impossible to them that believe…. Believe in God, believe in yourself, believe in your dreams, believe in your goodness, believe in your beauty, believe in the power of love, peace, joy, happiness, bliss. Believe God is on your side and wants to bless you and quit speaking the opposite! I believe we “eat the fruit” of our words. Speak negative (poverty, lack, sickness, disease) and you’ll attract those things into your circumstances. Speak positive and you’ll create a better life for yourself and those around you. I believe we give too much of our power to others by allowing them to control our thoughts, feelings and emotions. I believe forgiveness unlocks the door to happiness and opens channels of blessing because when we forgive we become more like Jesus. I believe when you heal your own life, you do your part in healing others. I believe there is no time in eternity, so the reason creating a new life takes ‘time’ is because we let doubt and fear block our good and I believe we talk ourselves out of miracles every day. Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I never have a bad day despite all I believe. But I will tell you this much, as I continue to walk by faith (not by sight) and speak words of life and love, gratitude and peace, those bad days or incidents are less traumatic and easier to get through than they were before I understood the power of my own thoughts and words. Something to think about…. “Inspirational with an Edge!” ™ "Coaching in PJs" ™ ![]()
Dealing with multiple family issues in varying depths of negative physical & emotional drama, I keep hearing the message…. “When you starve your spirit, the body compensates.”
Or in most instances, over compensates. Illness, weight issues, depression, addictions; many times these are all physical and emotional symptoms of a starving spirit. The Bible teaches us that “a merry heart does good like medicine” (Prov. 17:22). Proverbs 15:13 tells us, “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.” Bible believing Christian or not, there are medical studies that substantiate this idea. But forget medical proof for a moment and think about the people in your life who are ill. What does their countenance (face, attitude, actions) reveal to you? Are they upbeat and positive or “down in the mouth”? Are they the picture of health (acceptable weight, tolerable or manageable level of physical ailments, sensible/rational attitudes, realistic/practical actions) or just the opposite? Now I’m not going to try and convince you that every person who has been a victim of physical or mental abuse or who has contracted an illness of some sort is merely suffering because they neglect nurturing their spiritual life. I know many devout spiritual beings who suffer diseases. Nor am I making light of either. I merely want to point out that feeding and nurturing your spirit is one way to get your physical and emotional well-being on the mend. When the spirit is healthy, many times the body follows. So how do we get from starving to nurturing our spirit? Often a simple shift in perception from “woes me” to gratitude can start you on your way to spiritual health. Forgiveness also plays a huge part in this. “I’ve forgiven but I can’t forget” is a cop out. I know that sounds harsh but Scripture tells us to speak the truth in love and sometimes love has to be gentle but firm and sometimes the truth hurts; hence the term ‘tough love’. The Bible tells us that God remembers not our sins, yet we tend to wallow in those perpetrated against us and/or cling to guilt and self-condemnation for those we committed against others. If God, who is holy and just forgets our sins, who are we, to hold onto those memories and rehash our pain and anger, or disappointment and self pity? Here’s the rub: As long as you feel and act the victim, you can not live a victorious life! To put it another way: You can’t have a positive, healthy life (spiritual or otherwise) if you have a negative outlook. Oh and if you think you are “only being realistic,” think again. You are hurting no one but YOURSELF when you drag the past into the present and project it into your future. “But it hurts so much…the pain is so deep….” Then STOP focusing on it! Focus on today and the good present in your life right now. Now that I’ve given you something to ponder, here are some ideas and resources….
These are just a few examples but I promise, as you get started feeding your spirit, you’ll see and feel a difference in your overall condition and discover more ways to enforce the new, happier, healthier you. Something to think about... *Image by Gizelle from Pixabay*
*Originally published as Pamela's Ponderings ©Oct. 2013
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AuthorPamela S Thibodeaux is a native of SWLA. She is an award-winning author, life coach, and spiritual mentor. About this Blog
I've been on a spiritual quest most of my adult life. In the last 40+ years I've listened to podcasts & interviews, and read books by some of the worlds most popular Religious, Spiritual and New Thought leaders. I've shared the information in different formats such as Pamela's Ponderings in TWJ Magazine which is no longer a viable website. Therefore, some content you may recognize, other will be new. Either way I hope to encourage and inspire you with every post! This film will change your life!
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