I don’t know when the self-esteem issues kicked in. Sometimes I wonder if we’re born with them. Though I really doubt that’s true, I do believe words spoken over a newborn spirit or a young child can impact that person’s life forever. I don’t remember any specific incidents where I was made to feel inadequate, but instead of feeling like the proverbial princess or overprotected only little girl in a house of three boys, I somehow developed the opposite persona–that of being ‘not quite good enough.’

Add to this the normal childhood woes of not measuring up to my peers (too short, too fat, not as pretty or smart, etc.) and the words ‘self-esteem’ and ‘self-value’ had no meaning in my life.

Then along came the teenage years when I grew from an insecure girl to a young woman with the dream of marriage and children. Factor into that dream low-to-no self-confidence much less self-worth, and the combination does not bode well for attracting a husband.

Attract one I did. Though I wouldn’t call him my Prince Charming.

Nine years and two babies later I found myself divorced and any trace of self-esteem in the dung heap.

At that time, I developed a motto: What you see is what you get. You like it? Good! You don’t hit the road, it’s your loss!

I must say this was out of self-preservation, not self-love. But it was a start.

Two years later friendship turned to love with the man who would become my next husband, this man and marriage almost the complete opposite from my first. Loving, kind, and lavish with praise and compliments, I felt beautiful in his eyes and my self-confidence grew. With his support and encouragement, I excelled at work, wrote romance novels, started a writers group in my area, did speaking engagements and book signings and virtually put myself out there in ways I would never have even dreamed possible before.

Alas, regardless of what one might think, self-confidence and self-esteem do not equal self-value, self-worth or self-love.

I was still very self-conscious about many things, especially my looks.  Constantly on a diet or exercise routine, I wore clothes to camouflage my round hips and curvaceous thighs and tried numerous hair styles and beauty products to add volume and shine to my less than perfect hair.  Actions meant to shore up my confidence did indeed help, but that nagging sense of ‘not quite good enough’ lingered deep in my heart, soul and subconscious. And although I felt better, I hadn’t reached the part of truly loving, appreciating and valuing myself.

Then one summer evening my support system was gone. Removed from my life forever in the span of a heartbeat and I was thrust into the world as a single woman. Widowed and alone when, despite everything I’d accomplished, all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother.

They say out of our biggest tragedies come some of our greatest blessings but the prospect of getting out there and dating terrified me and the moment I stepped out into the single scene all of the old insecurities returned.

My legs are too short, hips too big and breasts too small. My hair’s too thin and flat and now it’s turning gray. I can’t compete with the young, perky, firm, beautiful women out there!

The bible teaches us that as a man thinks therefore he is (Prov. 23:7), so I dug out my old motto and started using it..... What you see is what you get. Like it? Good! Don’t? Hit the road, it’s your loss.

Only this time I took things a step further.

As a Christian I’d studied and practiced speaking God’s word over my life and knew the power of writing things down, so I started focusing on and appreciating what I liked about myself and what I was good at. I am smart. I am talented. I am gifted. I am blessed.

Then I began writing and saying affirmations about what I wanted to believe about myself. I am thin, healthy, energetic, and attractive. I look good. I feel good.

As time moved on I got bolder... I am beautiful. I am desirable. I am sexy. I am healed, whole, and complete. I am worthy. I am valuable.

Comments from friends and acquaintances about how good I looked every time they saw me helped me to believe the inner growth I’d been cultivating was actually working and worth the effort to continue.
​
Then one day I woke up and I felt these things. I felt healthy, energetic and attractive. 
​

I had an image in my mind of a particular red dress that clung in all the right places (something I never would have even considered before!). So, I went shopping. I found that dress, tried it on and the mirror reflected back to me everything I’d been affirming for years... A beautiful, sexy, desirable woman.
 
But....
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Some of those same old thought patterns crept up and I put the dress back.

The next day my friend and I returned to the store, and I tried it on for her opinion and again was astounded at how I not only felt but looked in that dress.
​
This time I bought it.

That was ten+ years ago. I still practice positive thinking, affirmations, and self-talk and have since purchased several clingy dresses and outfits and I am constantly amazed at how differently I look at and feel about myself.  I’ve also come to understand that how the world sees me is a reflection of how I see and feel about myself. 

When those old taunts try to rise up and steal my joy, I immediately shake my head and remind myself that as I think, therefore I am.

Then I go into a litany of affirmations knowing that as I project feelings of love, appreciation, value and self-approval, others will reflect that back to me. After all, what you see (and say) is what you get!

Something to think about.
Inspirational with an Edge! ™
Coaching in PJs ™

Many enter into the Christmas season expecting peace on earth and goodwill toward men. This is how it should be, or used to be, but ‘Christmas’ has become so commercialized that few of the original sentiments exist. For many, stress, painful memories, loneliness or grief over loved ones who are no longer present, steal the joy right out of the holidays.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

The Bible is filled with scriptures that talk about joy…..

“They that sow in tears will reap in joy, (Ps 126:5)” …. “Sorrow may last for a night, but joy will be found in the morning (Ps 30:5).”

One thing I’ve discovered is Joy, Happiness, and Bliss are all options we can choose.

I know, some of you are frowning right now but think about it.

When you get out of bed in the morning, you can choose how you want to go about your day. In those first few moments of waking, you are most susceptible to creating your day by the thoughts you think and feelings you allow to permeate your entire being.

So why not make them pleasant ones?

Here are a few ideas on how to increase the joy in your life….

Start each day with “I choose to be happy today” as your motto. Write this down and place it where you’ll see it upon waking and then carry it with you throughout your day.

Gratitude is one of the best ways to increase your joy. Think about and thank God for all the good in your life. Keeping a gratitude journal by your bed is an easy and effective way to do this. In fact, meditating on your blessings before you go to bed induces better sleep. If you’re not one to write things down, simply begin by saying “Thank You” as you open your eyes and be conscious of your blessings throughout your morning routine and daily activities and then again as you drift off to sleep.

Music is another way to feel and experience joy early in the mornings. If your alarm clock blares some hard country, loud rock or heavy metal, chances are you’re not going to wake up very joyful. Find a soft rock, classical or Christian music station and awake to songs of gladness. If your cell phone is your alarm, set the tone to something spiffy and joyful.

Share joy in every instance you can. Close your eyes and pray that divine joy go before you into every activity and conversation.

Send joy and blessings to everyone you come in contact with or pass on the street. Wave, smile, nod, and speak joy every chance you get.

These are just a few ideas but as you begin, I’m sure you’ll come up with more ways to increase the joy in your life and by doing so, increase joy in others’ lives also.

Does this guarantee you’ll never have a moment of sadness or a gloomy day?

Of course not!

We are all human and sadness, depression, etc. are normal, human emotions. However, making a determined effort to be more joyful will lessen the severity and length of those less-than-joyful times.

Philippians 4:4 encourages us to “Rejoice in the Lord always; and again, I say, "Rejoice!" 

May you find reasons to rejoice each day and may joy abound in your life.

Something to think about...
PamT
“Inspirational with an Edge!” ™
"Coaching in PJs" ™
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Other Scriptures on Joy: Esther 9:22; Job 41:22; Jeremiah 31:13; John 16:20 & 21

*©2012 Previously published as Pamela's Ponderings Dec. 2012

The question has been posed, integrity examined …. “Do you REALLY believe all this positivity stuff? Do you REALLY believe it can change a life?”

In John, Jesus said “This is the work of God, that you believe…” Now I know the Scripture goes on to say that we believe “on him whom He hath sent” meaning we are to believe in HIM. But think about it….

He also said, “Whatever you say when you pray, believe you have received, and it shall be given unto you.”

God told us in Deuteronomy that the power of life and death are in our tongue. So to answer the question, Yes, I believe….

I believe Jesus is my Lord and Savior but He is also my brother, friend and teacher. I believe God is the Almighty creator of the universe as well as my loving father who wants to bless me with the wildest dreams in my heart.

I believe God is much bigger than the boxes we put Him in, especially those outlined in the Bible. I believe the Bible is the inspired word of God but it has been written by man, filtered through human consciousness and subject to the circumstances and culture of the time. I believe there are depths and levels of faith and spirituality we may never understand but I also believe it pleases God when we try, ask questions, seek after answers, and knock on doors of knowledge.

I believe, next to love, gratitude is the greatest asset we can ever aspire to have. I believe fear is our biggest obstacle and judgment and guilt are useless wastes of energy. I believe we can rise above our circumstances and “call those things that be not as though they are” (actually the word here is were…. past tense as in been there, done that…so why is it those things we desire are not showing up in our life?)

I believe you can not have a positive life with a negative attitude. I believe, with the help of God, you can create a better life for yourself than anyone in your family has ever experienced. I believe selfishness is the root of all evil and that money is simply a means through which God blesses you so that you may be a blessing to others and thereby build His kingdom.

I believe love is the most powerful emotion and we are at our highest level of spirituality and closest to God when we give it freely, without expectation of reward.
I believe some people love their misery. They are comfortable in it and although they say differently, they really don’t want to change, but want others to change for them. This is the highest level of selfishness.

I believe you can’t change the past but you can change the future by your thoughts, words, emotions and actions of today.

I believe the past is over, the future isn’t here yet and today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the ‘present’ and we would do well to live fully in the moment. I believe our past may be a contributing factor in our lives today but with love, gratitude, and forgiveness, we can rise above the pain of that time and life a blessed and happy life.

I believe heaven is nearer than we think and our loved ones who’ve crossed over as near as our next thought and if we listen close enough, they will continue to speak to us and  if we let go of our preconceived notions of heaven being “out there somewhere”, we will experience it here on earth.

I believe life is 100% perception…how you perceive things is how they’ll be for you.

I believe with God all things are possible and nothing is impossible to them that believe…. Believe in God, believe in yourself, believe in your dreams, believe in your goodness, believe in your beauty, believe in the power of love, peace, joy, happiness, bliss.  Believe God is on your side and wants to bless you and quit speaking the opposite!

I believe we “eat the fruit” of our words. Speak negative (poverty, lack, sickness, disease) and you’ll attract those things into your circumstances. Speak positive and you’ll create a better life for yourself and those around you. I believe we give too much of our power to others by allowing them to control our thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I believe forgiveness unlocks the door to happiness and opens channels of blessing because when we forgive we become more like Jesus.

I believe when you heal your own life, you do your part in healing others.

I believe there is no time in eternity, so the reason creating a new life takes ‘time’ is because we let doubt and fear block our good and I believe we talk ourselves out of miracles every day.

Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I never have a bad day despite all I believe. But I will tell you this much, as I continue to walk by faith (not by sight) and speak words of life and love, gratitude and peace, those bad days or incidents are less traumatic and easier to get through than they were before I understood the power of my own thoughts and words.
​
Something to think about….
“Inspirational with an Edge!” ™
"Coaching in PJs" ​™

Dealing with multiple family issues in varying depths of negative physical & emotional drama, I keep hearing the message…. “When you starve your spirit, the body compensates.”

Or in most instances, over compensates.

Illness, weight issues, depression, addictions; many times these are all physical and emotional symptoms of a starving spirit.

The Bible teaches us that “a merry heart does good like medicine” (Prov. 17:22).

Proverbs 15:13 tells us, “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”

Bible believing Christian or not, there are medical studies that substantiate this idea. But forget medical proof for a moment and think about the people in your life who are ill.

What does their countenance (face, attitude, actions) reveal to you?

Are they upbeat and positive or “down in the mouth”?

Are they the picture of health (acceptable weight, tolerable or manageable level of physical ailments, sensible/rational attitudes, realistic/practical actions) or just the opposite?

Now I’m not going to try and convince you that every person who has been a victim of physical or mental abuse or who has contracted an illness of some sort is merely suffering because they neglect nurturing their spiritual life. I know many devout spiritual beings who suffer diseases.

Nor am I making light of either.

I merely want to point out that feeding and nurturing your spirit is one way to get your physical and emotional well-being on the mend. When the spirit is healthy, many times the body follows.

So how do we get from starving to nurturing our spirit?

Often a simple shift in perception from “woes me” to gratitude can start you on your way to spiritual health. Forgiveness also plays a huge part in this.

“I’ve forgiven but I can’t forget” is a cop out.

I know that sounds harsh but Scripture tells us to speak the truth in love and sometimes love has to be gentle but firm and sometimes the truth hurts; hence the term ‘tough love’.

The Bible tells us that God remembers not our sins, yet we tend to wallow in those perpetrated against us and/or cling to guilt and self-condemnation for those we committed against others.

If God, who is holy and just forgets our sins, who are we, to hold onto those memories and rehash our pain and anger, or disappointment and self pity?

Here’s the rub: As long as you feel and act the victim, you can not live a victorious life!

To put it another way: You can’t have a positive, healthy life (spiritual or otherwise) if you have a negative outlook.

Oh and if you think you are “only being realistic,” think again.

You are hurting no one but YOURSELF when you drag the past into the present and project it into your future.

“But it hurts so much…the pain is so deep….”

Then STOP focusing on it! Focus on today and the good present in your life right now.

Now that I’ve given you something to ponder, here are some ideas and resources….

• Prayer, fasting, and meditation are all proven methods to regain and optimize health and are as important to your overall well-being as diet and exercise.

• Read your Bible! Highlight Scriptures on health and wellness, depression and forgiveness, etc. Or better yet, pick up a copy of God’s Promises, The Tongue a Creative Force by Charles Capps or You’ll Get Through This by Max Lucado.

• Start and maintain an attitude of gratitude.  The Magic by Rhonda Byrne breaks this concept down to expressing gratitude for the simplest things! She also offers a “gratitude journal.” Success coach and author, Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul books) also has a gratitude journal as do numerous authors!

• Read some of the books listed in my post What You Don’t Control, Controls YOU!

• Read and do the exercises in Marianne Williamson’s A Course in Weight Loss. This wonderful resource gets to the heart of the matter with practical yet very personal ways to connect with and nurture your spirit.
• Implement energy work such as EFT/Tapping
• Work with a Life Coach or Therapist

​These are just a few examples but I promise, as you get started feeding your spirit, you’ll see and feel a difference in your overall condition and discover more ways to enforce the new, happier, healthier you.

Something to think about...
*Image by Gizelle from Pixabay*

*Originally published as Pamela's Ponderings ©Oct. 2013

I’ve had this conversation with others many times and it’s frustrating when some just don’t get it!

What you don’t control, controls you…

Don’t control your flesh, you are constantly at its beck and call to do things you know you shouldn’t do… Over indulge on food, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex, shopping, or other unhealthy habits. Or on the flip side of the coin—starve yourself, binge and purge, exercise excessively, pinch pennies so tight you have no enjoyment in the fruits of your labor.

Don’t control your thoughts; you are planting a harvest of similar circumstances you will reap in the future. You can’t have a positive life with a negative attitude.

Don’t control your mouth; you’re sowing seeds of discord and destruction (see statement above about attitude).

Don’t control your emotions; you will constantly be on a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs based on your circumstances. Happy when everything is going your way, moody and irritable when they are not. Allowing others’ emotional drama affect you and jerk you around.

Don’t control your money, you’ll constantly be chasing a dollar, always be a day late and a dollar short or never have two nickels to rub together.

Any of this sound familiar?

The Bible teaches us in Galatians 5:22-24 (NKJV)… “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”

2 Peter 1:5-7 (NKJV) exhorts… “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.”

And, Titus 1:7-9 (NKJV) insists that, “For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but hospitable, a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just, holy, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.”  The footnote for this scripture says that “bishop” literally means overseer, but aren’t we all kings and priests? (Rev. 1:6 & 5:10).

Now that I’ve gotten your attention, or stuck my nose right in the middle of your mess, please allow me to share some insight with you on how you can change all of those “out of control” things in your life.

#1: Get clear about what you want (or don’t want)! Sit down with a pen and paper and make a list. Ask yourself, ask your SOUL… “What is wrong in my life?” Or, better yet… “Why am I not happy?” Then write down the answers. Don’t just put ‘everything’, get downright honest with yourself and be specific.

Many folks don’t realize the absolute power in writing things down. When you ponder your life, your mind will keep going in circles…. Criticizing and explaining (or making excuses) until you are mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted with no answers.

#2: Ask yourself… “What would make me happy?” Again, get clear and be specific. Don’t discount anything that comes to your mind. Don’t decipher the answers. Don’t scratch anything off that list.

Now is the time to get completely, even brutally honest with yourself and remember, this is between your soul and God so don’t feel any answer to either question is stupid or insignificant!

Give yourself as long as you need to answer these two questions….a few days, a week maybe, then put them away for a day or two and look at them again. Add anything else that comes to mind. Again do not decipher or delete.

Now that you are clear, ask God to show you how to make the necessary changes in your life. Write down what He shows or tells you. As with the answers to the first two questions, don’t discount anything.

I know sometimes those answers may appear crazy or impossible, but remember, nothing is impossible to him that believes… AND… with God all things are possible.

#3: Take action. Start with one area/answer at a time (more than 1 is ok as long as you don’t get overwhelmed). Read books, listen to CD’s, write affirmations, make (and follow) a budget or financial plan, exercise and eat right, keep a journal (or several), create a vision board (or several), pray and meditate. All of these activities are proven methods of taking control, taking back your power, and healing your life.
Some people won’t do this because it appears too easy (or too hard), but trust me, if you take the time to get clear about your life then follow through and stick with the plan(s) God gives to you, your heart, mind, soul, and spirit, and, oh yeah, your future will thank you.

Added bonus: All the people in your life will thank you too!

Something to think about…..                                         
“Inspirational with an Edge!” ™

Some Resources: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life & There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem by Dr. Wayne Dyer, A Return to Love & The Law of Divine Compensation by Marianne Williamson, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, Real Health, Real Life by Jillian Lambert, The Secret & The Magic by Rhonda Byrne, The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness by Dave Ramsey, I Declare by Joel Osteen, Battlefield of the Mind & Change Your Words, Change Your Life: Understanding the Power of Every Word You Speak by Joyce Meyer, Open Your Mind to Receive & The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity by Catherine Ponder, any/everything by any or all of these authors as well as others mentioned on this blog.

*Originally published as Pamela's Ponderings © Sept. 2013