I don’t know when the self-esteem issues kicked in. Sometimes I wonder if we’re born with them. Though I really doubt that’s true, I do believe words spoken over a newborn spirit or a young child can impact that person’s life forever. I don’t remember any specific incidents where I was made to feel inadequate, but instead of feeling like the proverbial princess or overprotected only little girl in a house of three boys, I somehow developed the opposite persona–that of being ‘not quite good enough.’

Add to this the normal childhood woes of not measuring up to my peers (too short, too fat, not as pretty or smart, etc.) and the words ‘self-esteem’ and ‘self-value’ had no meaning in my life.

Then along came the teenage years when I grew from an insecure girl to a young woman with the dream of marriage and children. Factor into that dream low-to-no self-confidence much less self-worth, and the combination does not bode well for attracting a husband.

Attract one I did. Though I wouldn’t call him my Prince Charming.

Nine years and two babies later I found myself divorced and any trace of self-esteem in the dung heap.

At that time, I developed a motto: What you see is what you get. You like it? Good! You don’t hit the road, it’s your loss!

I must say this was out of self-preservation, not self-love. But it was a start.

Two years later friendship turned to love with the man who would become my next husband, this man and marriage almost the complete opposite from my first. Loving, kind, and lavish with praise and compliments, I felt beautiful in his eyes and my self-confidence grew. With his support and encouragement, I excelled at work, wrote romance novels, started a writers group in my area, did speaking engagements and book signings and virtually put myself out there in ways I would never have even dreamed possible before.

Alas, regardless of what one might think, self-confidence and self-esteem do not equal self-value, self-worth or self-love.

I was still very self-conscious about many things, especially my looks.  Constantly on a diet or exercise routine, I wore clothes to camouflage my round hips and curvaceous thighs and tried numerous hair styles and beauty products to add volume and shine to my less than perfect hair.  Actions meant to shore up my confidence did indeed help, but that nagging sense of ‘not quite good enough’ lingered deep in my heart, soul and subconscious. And although I felt better, I hadn’t reached the part of truly loving, appreciating and valuing myself.

Then one summer evening my support system was gone. Removed from my life forever in the span of a heartbeat and I was thrust into the world as a single woman. Widowed and alone when, despite everything I’d accomplished, all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother.

They say out of our biggest tragedies come some of our greatest blessings but the prospect of getting out there and dating terrified me and the moment I stepped out into the single scene all of the old insecurities returned.

My legs are too short, hips too big and breasts too small. My hair’s too thin and flat and now it’s turning gray. I can’t compete with the young, perky, firm, beautiful women out there!

The bible teaches us that as a man thinks therefore he is (Prov. 23:7), so I dug out my old motto and started using it..... What you see is what you get. Like it? Good! Don’t? Hit the road, it’s your loss.

Only this time I took things a step further.

As a Christian I’d studied and practiced speaking God’s word over my life and knew the power of writing things down, so I started focusing on and appreciating what I liked about myself and what I was good at. I am smart. I am talented. I am gifted. I am blessed.

Then I began writing and saying affirmations about what I wanted to believe about myself. I am thin, healthy, energetic, and attractive. I look good. I feel good.

As time moved on I got bolder... I am beautiful. I am desirable. I am sexy. I am healed, whole, and complete. I am worthy. I am valuable.

Comments from friends and acquaintances about how good I looked every time they saw me helped me to believe the inner growth I’d been cultivating was actually working and worth the effort to continue.
​
Then one day I woke up and I felt these things. I felt healthy, energetic and attractive. 
​

I had an image in my mind of a particular red dress that clung in all the right places (something I never would have even considered before!). So, I went shopping. I found that dress, tried it on and the mirror reflected back to me everything I’d been affirming for years... A beautiful, sexy, desirable woman.
 
But....
​
Some of those same old thought patterns crept up and I put the dress back.

The next day my friend and I returned to the store, and I tried it on for her opinion and again was astounded at how I not only felt but looked in that dress.
​
This time I bought it.

That was ten+ years ago. I still practice positive thinking, affirmations, and self-talk and have since purchased several clingy dresses and outfits and I am constantly amazed at how differently I look at and feel about myself.  I’ve also come to understand that how the world sees me is a reflection of how I see and feel about myself. 

When those old taunts try to rise up and steal my joy, I immediately shake my head and remind myself that as I think, therefore I am.

Then I go into a litany of affirmations knowing that as I project feelings of love, appreciation, value and self-approval, others will reflect that back to me. After all, what you see (and say) is what you get!

Something to think about.
Inspirational with an Edge! ™
Coaching in PJs ™

Many enter into the Christmas season expecting peace on earth and goodwill toward men. This is how it should be, or used to be, but ‘Christmas’ has become so commercialized that few of the original sentiments exist. For many, stress, painful memories, loneliness or grief over loved ones who are no longer present, steal the joy right out of the holidays.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

The Bible is filled with scriptures that talk about joy…..

“They that sow in tears will reap in joy, (Ps 126:5)” …. “Sorrow may last for a night, but joy will be found in the morning (Ps 30:5).”

One thing I’ve discovered is Joy, Happiness, and Bliss are all options we can choose.

I know, some of you are frowning right now but think about it.

When you get out of bed in the morning, you can choose how you want to go about your day. In those first few moments of waking, you are most susceptible to creating your day by the thoughts you think and feelings you allow to permeate your entire being.

So why not make them pleasant ones?

Here are a few ideas on how to increase the joy in your life….

Start each day with “I choose to be happy today” as your motto. Write this down and place it where you’ll see it upon waking and then carry it with you throughout your day.

Gratitude is one of the best ways to increase your joy. Think about and thank God for all the good in your life. Keeping a gratitude journal by your bed is an easy and effective way to do this. In fact, meditating on your blessings before you go to bed induces better sleep. If you’re not one to write things down, simply begin by saying “Thank You” as you open your eyes and be conscious of your blessings throughout your morning routine and daily activities and then again as you drift off to sleep.

Music is another way to feel and experience joy early in the mornings. If your alarm clock blares some hard country, loud rock or heavy metal, chances are you’re not going to wake up very joyful. Find a soft rock, classical or Christian music station and awake to songs of gladness. If your cell phone is your alarm, set the tone to something spiffy and joyful.

Share joy in every instance you can. Close your eyes and pray that divine joy go before you into every activity and conversation.

Send joy and blessings to everyone you come in contact with or pass on the street. Wave, smile, nod, and speak joy every chance you get.

These are just a few ideas but as you begin, I’m sure you’ll come up with more ways to increase the joy in your life and by doing so, increase joy in others’ lives also.

Does this guarantee you’ll never have a moment of sadness or a gloomy day?

Of course not!

We are all human and sadness, depression, etc. are normal, human emotions. However, making a determined effort to be more joyful will lessen the severity and length of those less-than-joyful times.

Philippians 4:4 encourages us to “Rejoice in the Lord always; and again, I say, "Rejoice!" 

May you find reasons to rejoice each day and may joy abound in your life.

Something to think about...
PamT
“Inspirational with an Edge!” ™
"Coaching in PJs" ™
​
Other Scriptures on Joy: Esther 9:22; Job 41:22; Jeremiah 31:13; John 16:20 & 21

*©2012 Previously published as Pamela's Ponderings Dec. 2012

Happy Thanksgiving Folks!
​
Jesus teaches us that with God ALL things are possible and that all things are possible to them that believe (See Matthew 19:25-27, Mark 9:22-24, Mark 10:26-28).
​
Psalm 23 says, “The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.”

Why then do some things we desire, need or want seem impossible?

Is it possible this is because we block God’s blessings and talk ourselves out of miracles every day?

Is it possible we have deep-seated doubts and fears and feelings of unworthiness?

Is it possible the fire and brimstone preaching we’ve heard or experienced sometime in our life has caused us to fear God’s wrath more than believe in His love, grace, mercy and goodness?

Is it possible that we have so much guilt around asking God for what we truly desire that, even if He were to show up with that in hand as a free gift to us, we’d turn away?

Is it possible we’ve heard so many contradicting facts about who God is and what He can/will do that we just don’t know what to think anymore?

The Bible teaches us that the blessings of God shall chase us down and overtake us (see Deuteronomy 28:1-3), yet so many live in lack and poverty, sickness and disease!

Is it truly possible that if God said it and Jesus did it, we are supposed to live lives of abundance in every area?

I believe ALL of these explanations are possible and very possibly the root of our not receiving the gifts and blessings God has for us.

So how can we overcome these doubts, fears and negative concepts we’ve developed in our lives for whatever reason and open up to receive from God?

Here are a few ideas…

Pray. Don’t just pray for what you want, pray for God to open your eyes, ears, heart and hands so that you may see, hear, know and receive.

Listen. Often we pray/talk to God without taking time to listen for His response. Prayer should be a two-way conversation, not you talking to then walking away from Him.

Obey. Many times, we pray and listen but when God asks us to take action we disregard that part of the entire time of communion. The Bible teaches us we should be willing and obedient yet most of the time we are willing but not obedient or vice-versa. If you feel in your heart God is asking you to take some kind of action in order for Him to fulfill your desires and His plan, take it! Even if that means stepping out in faith despite your doubts and fears.

Meditate. A lot of folks shrink at the thought of spending time in meditation thinking they just don’t have hours to spare, but meditation can be as simple as closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths while opening your mind and heart to the Holy Spirit. Better yet, pick a Scripture that deals with one of the current situations or needs in your life and repeat it over and over in your mind while taking those deep breaths and watch God work.

Express Gratitude. I know, I know you are grateful but how often do you say it? How often do you say a simple “Thank You” to God or to people? Better yet, how often do you spend 10 minutes, an hour, or a whole day in an attitude of gratitude? Try this: For one hour write, “I am so happy and grateful that (or for) ---fill in the blank). If you don’t have an hour, write 1 page a day or 10 items or whatever, just do it! Once you’ve gotten into this habit, challenge yourself to keep gratitude uppermost in your mind for the day and see what doors open for you. After all, God’s not going to give you something else to complain about.

Sing. Yeah you heard that right. Sing a song about being happy. Find a couple songs and play them over and over in your vehicle and in your mind. Here are two that come to mind: Happiest Girl in the Whole USA by Donna Fargo, or Happy by Pharrell Williams (here’s the song/video on Youtube!) I dare you to listen to this and not be in a better mood! Better yet, make up a silly little ditty to express your own happiness, gratitude and praise to God. After all, the Bible tells us to make a “joyful noise” unto the Lord (Psalms 66, 81, 95, 98 & 100) and that God inhabits the praise of His people.

Try one (or all) of these simple exercises and see God work in your life. Now I’m not saying this is the cure-all for every problem in your life, but even if all these exercises do is make YOU feel better for an hour or a day…what can it hurt?

Something to think about...
“Inspirational with an Edge!” ™
"Coaching in PJs" ™

*©2014 Previously published as Pamela's Ponderings April 2014

You may think the title of this particular post is a bit strange but bear with me...

Years ago, a decade actually, I watched the movie Frozen with my grandchildren and I was blown away that a Disney film could contain spiritual thruths!

I'm sure there are many other Disney films that contain spiritual truths, but with Winter and Christmas approaching, I thought I'd republish the review I wrote back in 2014 here, so you can see where I'm coming from and why this children's film inspired me so much.... 

“Only an act of true love can melt a frozen heart.”

How true this statement is!

Elsa has a gift, one that when activated, shoots ice from her hands and causes things to freeze over. After an accident in which her young sister gets injured, Elsa is confined to her bedroom with gloves. 

​"Don’t feel, don’t let your emotions show, don’t let them know” is the edict that keeps her bound, much to the dismay of young Anna. Until Coronation Day when Elsa is crowned Queen of Arendelle and fun-loving Anna unintentionally creates havoc which results in Elsa freezing the country in perpetual winter.
​
I haven’t been to a movie theater in years much less to see a Disney production but the spiritual implications of this movie were so wonderful!

The fact that Elsa is persuaded, forced in fact, to stuff her emotions is a prime example of the way many people live. Don’t feel, conceal. Don’t let your emotions show. Always be good. Control them otherwise they’ll control you….

Unfortunately we all reach a breaking point and who knows what the trigger might be? The only thing we know for sure is that anger and fear produce destruction.

But love…true love…love that forgives and sacrifices…has the ability to create miracles and magic.

Even if you don’t have children or grandchildren, borrow a couple of kids if you must, but watch this/these movie(s). You won’t be disappointed. 

And if you DO have children on your Christmas list, check out the many, many FROZEN items available including toys, books, dolls, and even a Collectors Item DVD.

I hope this post inspired you as much as it has me (I think I'll rewatch Frozen LOL!).

Until next time, take care and God Bless.
PamT
“Inspirational with an Edge!” ™​

*Originally published as Pamela's Ponderings ©Feb 2014

Jeremiah 33:3: ‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and might things, which you do not know.’
 
This scripture has floated around in my head for weeks and I’ve come to realize when a certain thought is repeated, whether in my mind or in conversation, I need to pay attention.
 
So, I’ve questioned and prayed…What are You trying to tell me, Lord, that I may share with the world?
 
So often we think of God answering our prayers in the form of words…a still, small, voice, billboard signs, songs, books, scripture, etc. But do we consider the many ways in which He communicates with us?
 
The Bible says in Job, “For God does speak, perhaps once, or even twice, though one perceive it not. In a dream, in a vision of the night (when deep sleep falls upon men) as they slumber in their beds.” Job 33:14-15
 
It also tells us in the book of Joel 2:28: “And it shall come to pass afterward that I will pour out My Spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions;”
 
Scriptures like these sometimes scare the daylights out of people.
 
But they shouldn’t.
 
God is awesome and loving, and we should not be afraid of the ways in which He converses with us.
 
In the spiritual books I’ve read and studied, another way we can perceive what God is trying to say to us is through our imagination.
 
Have you ever wondered why some folks can dream or imagine a particular thing or outcome and it seems to come true?
 
That’s faith. That’s God operating in and through us.
 
1 Corinthians 2:9 tells us: But as it is written: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”
 
Spiritual leaders & success teachers use daydreaming, meditation, and visualization as tools to achieving one’s goals in life. They tell us to “see” ourselves in the situation we desire. To engage all of our senses, and to “feel” it with every fiber of our being and those things will manifest in our lives. They even say that these things are more powerful if what we desire is born of love and brings only joy, peace and abundance to us and others.
 
Could it be they’re on to something? Is it possible God is using the faculties of our conscious and subconscious mind to talk with us and to show us the great and mighty things He has prepared for us?
 
Next time your imagination comes up with some wild, exhilarating, ‘impossible’ idea for your happiness, don’t be so quick to discount it.
 
Instead, get quiet and alone with God and ask HIM if this is His idea for you? Trust Him (and me), if it is for your ultimate good and the good of your brother and/or mankind as a whole, it very well could be.
 
Something to think about…
“Inspirational with an Edge!” ™
Coaching in PJs ™

*Originally published as Pamela's Ponderings ©Jan 2014